I apologize in advance, this is not an upbeat post today, but this is where I am.
So have you ever heard the new song by Toby Keith that he wrote for his good friend and Tulsan Waymon Tisdale? I don't know the name of it, but it is a tear jerker, and a nice celebration of friendship. Today I was listening to the words on the way home from work and thinking yet again about how much I miss my foster mom, Bobby. I got started sniffleing and before I knew it the tears were rolling. She has been gone now for about 15 months and I have a terrible awful confession to make. I have not been back to their house since the funeral. I can barely talk to my dad on the phone. A few times I talked to him, I made him cry. Every time I think about her, I just get so sad... FOR ME! What a selfish thing! I was wondering why that is. I did not spend much time with her for the last 20 years. Called her rarely, usually just when I needed something. That finally hit home. I think I feel guilty for failing her, for not being successful (the words EPIC FAIL come to my mind). She was good at everything, and I just feel so bad that I am not what I should be in so many ways.
So this next year, I will try harder to be better. A better Christian, a better wife, mother, sister, aunt, niece, friend. You get it. Better. In honor of a great example...
So have you ever heard the new song by Toby Keith that he wrote for his good friend and Tulsan Waymon Tisdale? I don't know the name of it, but it is a tear jerker, and a nice celebration of friendship. Today I was listening to the words on the way home from work and thinking yet again about how much I miss my foster mom, Bobby. I got started sniffleing and before I knew it the tears were rolling. She has been gone now for about 15 months and I have a terrible awful confession to make. I have not been back to their house since the funeral. I can barely talk to my dad on the phone. A few times I talked to him, I made him cry. Every time I think about her, I just get so sad... FOR ME! What a selfish thing! I was wondering why that is. I did not spend much time with her for the last 20 years. Called her rarely, usually just when I needed something. That finally hit home. I think I feel guilty for failing her, for not being successful (the words EPIC FAIL come to my mind). She was good at everything, and I just feel so bad that I am not what I should be in so many ways.
So this next year, I will try harder to be better. A better Christian, a better wife, mother, sister, aunt, niece, friend. You get it. Better. In honor of a great example...
2 comments:
Oh, Lisa. I am so sorry you're feeling this way. Please stop feeling guilty, and just do what you said...be better! I already think you're an awesome friend, so there's not much work to do there!
I love you, and I'm praying for you.
She was a nice Lady!
All any of us can do is try, realize when we fail and be willing to try again.
Love you!
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