Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A Big World...

What a crazy world we live in.  Beautiful, dangerous, incredible.  It is amazing to me how God created each tiny detail to work together with every other tiny detail.  It grows and changes and functions.  Sometimes it might seem like it "malfunctions".  I don't think so. 

I think that the world functions, primarily, in a natural way.  God set it up to evolve and change, like we do, like our bodies do.  He created it to explode now and then, volcanoes.  Crack open and shake, earthquakes.  Sometimes it floods, freezes and boils.  But all of those things happen in the natural course of this planet that God created, with brilliance. 

It can all be explained by science, of course.  But science cannot explain how it was created.  I know that God did it.  He did it right.  Yes, people die.  Babies and innocent children, old people we love and middle aged people that we need.  But everyone dies sooner or later.  There is no promise of 90 years or even 9 years, days or minutes.  That breaks our hearts.  But the planet still spins. 

God's plan still moves forward.  That moves me in a deep way.  I want to be a part of that plan.  My life is so small.  I wonder how many other lives I can touch in my tiny little ink blot of time here?  Will I touch them in a good way, in a God way?  Will I matter at all?  Will my faith have made any difference?  Will the dent I leave on this planet be a good one?  Who will care, in 100 years, about me? 

I don't especially care if anyone knows my name.  Maybe I will be an old photo that makes someone smile.  But I would like to leave a legacy.  A legacy of love and service.  I would like it A LOT, if someday, 100 or more years from now, a little girl, somewhere, with curly hair and brown eyes has an abiding peaceful love of her Maker, because of something I did or said to someone else in my life here and now.  I have to make that mark on my son, or on someone, or it will never happen. 

I am praying earnestly about that these days.      

Friday, March 4, 2011


March is here.  Spring is just around the corner.  As much as I love winter, I am ready for this one to end.  Although I would not mind one more snow fall.  I know that makes me very unpopular in Tulsa! 

I have had some ideas scrolling through my head lately.   Mostly I have been wondering about the pain that we are all hiding.  Don't we all have something painful that shaped us and causes us to behave a certain way? We all deal with it differently.  Some of us eat, do drugs, abuse alcohol, lie, steal or do just ridiculous unrelated things to mask our pain caused by abuse, cruelty, depravation or neglect.  Mostly, for me it is eating.  So when you look at me, please, realize I am more than a fat girl.  I am a soul, with pain.  I probably won't share any or much of it with you.  It is too personal and or embarrasing.  So don't make fun of overweight people.  It is probably more than just poor eating habits.  When you are dealing with a control freak, try to be patient and imagine what sort of pain has led them to this behavior.  He or she is probably desperatly trying to hold his/her world together with some small freakishly odd measure of control.

Lucky people realize what they are doing.  They try to find a way to be healthy and function.  I try to control my eating with my new habit, working out at the gym.  But the stuff that makes me medicate with food is still in there.  Needling me.  What needles you?  You don't have to tell me.  Just think about it, and try to be be kinder to the people around you.  Aren't we all just the walking wounded?