Thursday, February 24, 2011


Maybe I am tired of worry.
Maybe I am tired of pressure.
Maybe the "big change" will be something I decide. 
Maybe every failure will be someone else's problem for a change.
Maybe I, with God, will control my destiny.

After all, I am the only one who gets gray hair and looses sleep from my worries.
After all, I am the one who bends until she is about to break from the pressure.
After all, what do I have to lose? How much worse could it be?
After all, my efforts are not appreciated, so perhaps they should be redirected.
After all, He is really already in control, I just keep letting other people distract me.

Monday, February 21, 2011


I feel restless.  I can't pin down why.  Dissatisfied and anxious.  Not panicky.  Just Antsy.  Grouchy, picky, agitated and well, just restless.

It feels like change is in the air.  That can be good or bad.  Maybe this is just Spring fever since the weather has been so pleasant for the past week.  I cannot justify my mood and I can't explain.  But change is brewing.  We all know that change can be good or bad.  Perhaps that is why I feel restless? 

Now I have to wait.  Keep busy, do what is right and wait.  Tick, tick, tick...

Monday, February 14, 2011

This week....

This week I would like to be the owner of a big 5 bay car wash. 

I just visited one to wash the muck and grime of 2 weeks worth of nastiness off of the Taurus.  OK, reality check, it was filthy before the blizzard hit, but it was beyond filthy this morning.  Here is why... 

A month ago I gave Jacob a $20 bill and told him to go to Wal-Mart Market and get a bag of Pedigree for the dogs.  I got home and he had, instead, gone to his store, Warehouse Market, and gotten a big (bigger than big) bag of dog food, an off brand, for less than the medium bag of Pedigree.  The dogs ate it one night.  The next night they ate half of it.  The next night they vomited all over the house.  After that they literally went on a hunger strike.  So we caved in and bought Pedigree for them and had the HUGE bag of gross dog food left.  What to do?  I can't bring myself to throw it in the trash.  Kim said he would take it to Mohawk and feed the birds with it.  Didn't happen.  We had a blizzard instead. So during round 3 of our Snowstravaganza he decided to feed the starving birds in the front yard with the terrible dog food.  How did they thank us?  You guessed it.  My car got poop bombed.  It all looks just like that dog food, too.  Thanks Birds, thanks Kim.  Oh, and yes, thanks Jacob!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

just a thought...

"You’ve equated God’s silence with his absence. He isn’t speaking in your relationship with a friend. He isn’t showing up in your marriage. He isn’t leading in what is next for your career. He is silent and feels absent.
But God’s silence is not God’s absence. God’s hiddenness is not abandonment.
You are not alone. No matter how silent God is for you right now…He is not absent."

Justin Davis

Emily shared this with me today...  Thanks Em.


It is one of "those" days.  Work has not gone well today.  I feel unappreciated and well, just spent.  Don't you hate to be compared to someone else and found to be lacking?  I feel like I have value of my own.  Not like anyone else.  SHE is not my yardstick.  I measure myself elsewhere.  I resent someone using her against me.  We are friends, she and I.  When you smack me with her, it hurts us both.  So measure me on my own merits and demerits, please.  Not against her.

OK, moving on...

I was thinking today about my Grams.  She is 89, soon to be 90.  She made me who I am, second only to God.  She is fading.  Like a picture from an old album.  She used to be bright, sharp and colorful.  Now I see confusion, fear, and apathy.  She has mentally surrendered... to what?  I don't know.  I do wish I had captured more from her before she faded.  We did not take the time, and she did not like to talk about her feelings very much.  Mostly, she would answer your questions, and now and then start talking.  But mostly she listened.  I wonder what I did not hear.    What did I miss?

Wow!  What a depressing post.  I hope you had a better day than me!