I hate it when I notice qualities about myself that are unattractive that I never noticed before. Even worse, when someone else points it out to you. It sure hurts to look at yourself and see painful, ugly qualities that you have stubbornly refused to see for a long time. That deep, raw look you take in the mirror can be brutal. And for me, just the thought that other people could see it so clearly, and I couldn't feels so awful. It makes my heart hurt, or maybe my pride hurt, to think about what I was doing.
But isn't a good hard look at yourself pretty important? No matter how ugly your reflection is, I think you have to do it now and then. Maybe you need someone to prod you, like I did. Someone to nudge and poke you into seeing what they see. Or maybe even throw it at you in a moment of painful confrontation. What everyone can see. Everyone but you. But me.
It hurts to know that I have qualities that ugly. I get to thinking sometimes that I am good enough. That I am better than average. Just another reminder that there was only EVER one perfect person. I know I will be forgiven, and I am thankful, but still just feeling a little bruised.
2 comments:
None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. I think it is worse if something comes to our attention and we stubbornly refuse to change. Much better when our heart is moved to try to do better.
Painful but better.
Love you!
TWO posts in one week? I have missed reading your thoughts.
Thanks. I think Summer just sucks the life out of me. My mind just won't function properly in the heat. That is my official excuse.
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