Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Negativity **WARNING** NEGATIVE CONTENT!! Read at your own risk!

October is here.  My favorite time of the year has arrived.  I should be happy.  Suddenly I find myself getting sucked into a hole of negativity.  I don't like it.  I am an optimist.  I am a happy person.  I do know why this is happening.  First, things are catching up to me.  Bad things.  Things I should have done and did not do.  Also, it seems that when things start to go wrong, it snowballs.  I am attracting bad stuff on top of other bad stuff.  Some of it I totally deserve, some of it is random.  Last, work has been bad lately.  I am expected to do the job of 3 people.  I am pretty good at my job, and I can do that sort of thing for a few days, but it has started (after close to 6 weeks) to catch up to me.  Anyway you slice it, I am tired of it.  I want to be positive and up beat again.  I am tired of stress and worry.  I want to fling it off like I fling off the blankets in the middle of a hot flash at night (lol).  But I just can't seem to shake it loose. 

I hear people who say, "In the name of God, I reject this..."  Why I can't I just speak this nonsense into oblivion?  I have asked this question before, and I still struggle with it.  How do I give this burden to God?  How can I just turn lose of something so personal?  Something that I mostly deserve.  It is not God's problem.  I know He is willing to listen, but what do I do to give it to Him?  Can I just pack it up in a suitcase and drop it off at the gates of heaven?  The problem is still here all around me.  The worry is picking at me.  Poking me and cropping up.

I know my life will never be free of worry.  Life is a series of up's and down's.  I am just really sliding down, quickly right now. 

My first post in a while.  Reading back over it, I feel the need to apologize.  So, here I go.  Sorry. this is depressing.  Maybe I will feel better by venting.  This is also a journal of sorts for my life, so maybe in a few years I can look back on this time and see how far I have come.  Maybe I will be so thankful to God for getting me past this.  So I am going to post it anyway, with a warning.             

1 comment:

Debbie said...

We are imperfect. We do things, that once done, we don’t like.
All things change. Even this will pass.
Accept that.

Enjoy what you can.
The air has a cool crispness that I know you like.
The clouds that filled the sky today were beautiful.

You will make it through each moment, a day, or a week.
At some point you will wake up and realize that it is behind you.
You will.

Be aware that you are loved.
You don’t have to be perfect to deserve it.
It is already a fact.